I Should Be Learning Lines...

However...I am certainly not *le sigh*

In fact, I should have taken the entire day to learn them and make them my own...Especially since LYLAS has a show coming up FAST! *insert shameless plug here: "Maybe She's Born With It...Maybe It's LYLAS" December 2-5 @ 35Below. "OH NO SHE DIDN'T!" LYLAS show to be presented for those who are not easily offended and love all things raunchy...December 4th & 5th at 10 PM @ 35Below...check www.lylas.org for details*

ANYWHO...Where was I? Oh yes...not learning lines...

Instead, I did laundry and gave a relatively thorough cleaning of my abode. I've yet to understand why it takes me so damn long to accomplish this task as my apartment is the size of a hamster cage...Wheel and watering bowl included...You can tell by looking at me that I don't use the wheel enough for exercise...Plus, the wheel is rusty...

Point is: Mundane task day at my residence...

My dog, Carson, enjoyed it. He stayed outside on this lovely day in his fenced in yard. The napped, as usual, and would look up from my bed occasionally to display their disdain for having their naps interrupted by the vacuum knocking into the bed. You should have seen their faces when they had to walk through the freshly mopped floor around their litter boxes...It was terrifying to be in the house alone with them for moments after that I can tell you...They were plotting my death.

After completing the household chores, I debated on getting outside in the warm weather and taking Carson to the dog park...My lazy side got the better of me and I chose, instead, to sit in front of my computer for the rest of the day...still in my pajamas...

Very sad...
Very lame...

While sitting in my computer chair, I looked behind me at the sight on my bed...

Picture this: Dog...cat...cat...each of them nuzzled comfortably on separate corners of my bed. Occasionally, the cats would re-adjust and give each other baths. Carson rarely shifted from his spot.

As I sat and contemplated this, I thought to myself, "Gee...how nice it must be to be a domestic animal in a loving home? You don't have to worry about anything! You get fed, you have a warm bed, you get occasional lovin', & in most cases, treated like royalty."

I started thinking about the bull they don't have to worry about: Finances, relationships, a job...nothing.

I guess the one I was most envious about was the 'lack of a relationship' worry. They don't get their hearts broken...They're not worried about the possibility of being alone forever...They don't have to worry about that feeling that makes their heart nearly stop beating when they get told, "I don't want to see you anymore"...They don't know the meaning of, "It's not you, it's me"...and all the other tired cliches that people tell you in their sad attempt at 'making it easier' or 'softening the blow'...

Which, in most cases, are all a load of crap...

But I digress...

However, as I was reveling in my imaginary "Pet World" (oh yes, this was complete with images of me as a long & lean black cat strutting around my humans household doing what I pleased...including tripping them as they walk down the stairs in the morning as they sleepily trudge down the stairs, and because of my fancy footwork, end up in a crumpled mess at the bottom of the stairs...but I'm off point), I realized...

Wait a minute...they do worry about relationships...

They miss us when we are gone. I mean, I can be gone for 10 minutes to the store and Carson reacts to my homecoming as though I have been gone DAYS! The cats are not as gracious, but they are visibly upset if I have been gone more than a day and are all over me when I walk through the door.

At night, all three of them pile up around me in the safety of my bed. My cat, Harley, typically a hater of all things, nuzzles my face and my hands for his nightly petting...wanting to be loved. The same is true for the other two critters...Especially, Carson...That need for constant reassurance that he is needed...wanted...loved...

They crave much what we do...we don't hold complete stock in these emotions...they have stock in them as well.

One thing can be said for our pets that can't be said for humans is that they possess what we do not: True, undying, unconditional love.

No matter the color of our skin, religion, political views, hair color...or even our bad taste in clothing...they will love us. So long as we give them their basic needs...BASIC mind you...they will always be there when no one else is...they are a constant until their last breath.

You can't say that for a lot of people in this world...Sometimes even those we think are our rocks...our pillars of support...can fall and crumble over the silliest of reasons...

So...in essence...Pets have a lot of the same worries we do...the same needs...the same feelings...

I'll remember that from now on the next time I'm in one of my 'blue' moments...and I will cuddle them long and hard knowing that regardless what happens in my life...They are there...giving me what I need for the moment...and for all the 'moments' that are to come...

Until they take that last breath...

And even then, I will look back on their life and smile because at that moment I will know that their time on this earth has come, and their reason for being here was to love...and love unconditionally...

After that...their job is done...and their reward is on it's way...

On to that big ol' never-ending food dish and self-filtering water bowl in the sky...

Missing Piece

I want to be more than what I am...

I'm happy...but I want more...

There is a missing piece...
A missing piece that isn't there...

Maybe I've lost it?

Maybe I never had it at all...

Maybe...

Maybe someone took it...

That's it...someone stole the missing piece...

You see, they WANTED that missing piece
For their own benefit...

They knew I would be too happy
And would put it to use for good...
And would take care of it forever...

So, they stole that piece from me in the night,
So I could never finish that puzzle...

So that it would never be completed...

However...

What they DON'T know,
Is that I aim to find that missing piece...

I had it in my hand and put it down,
But I never like things to be unfinished...

So I am on a mission to get it back...

It may not be today...
And it may take longer than I would like...
But I'm patient...

You see, I know what it looks like...
And I think I know who took it...

And quite frankly...
I'll fight the Devil himself to get it back...

It's an interesting feeling...

As I sit here on my couch, quietly drinking my nightly glass of sweet tea, my animals are all quietly laying around. Their activities have lessened...quite frankly, they're ready for bed.

I sit here...alone in my thoughts...

The day was huge. America just witnessed a first in its history: Barack Obama took his place among our leaders as this country's first African-American president.

I am glad I was there to bear witness...

I sat alongside my co-workers as we watched the inauguration online...via CNN live on Facebook...*snicker*...We all sat there in wonderment and awe as our new leader filled us with hope...Hope for a better future...Many times we applauded along with the audience that filled the Mall in D.C. It was a sobering moment...

I think several of us became slightly teary eyed over the whole event...

Sitting here this evening, I can't help but reflect on this day. While online, you can still feel the energy from others. The posts, the comments, the jokes...everything is very palpable...It's like you can reach out and touch it...

What a tremendous burden to put on one man's shoulders...I don't think it's fair, really...It isn't a job I would want, that's for sure...

It makes one think of one's own life...how very easily one can become the hope of others...how powerful and how important you can be to someone...to some group....

To an entire country...

Would you want the burden? Could you handle it? Could you fulfill their dreams? Wipe their tears? Fill their bank accounts? Fill their stomachs?

The mere thought terrifies me...

I can only imagine what our new President feels at this very moment...Enjoying the last few moments of peace with his family...Tomorrow...

Daddy has to go to work for the country...

So, it is my wish for all who expect a lot from President Obama...give the man time...and understand that we are not out of the woods and that our country's problems will not be solved overnight...

It will take time...and patience on the part of...We the People...

Sometimes...

Sometimes…it's just cold…

The chill bites…
Pinches…
Knaws…

Inside and out…

Sometimes…it even hurts…

I look out my window and the snow is falling…
Down…down…down…
Lightly covering the grass and trees…

My thoughts drift away…

I imagine the future for a moment…
A fantasy, really…

I'm in front of a fire…
Relaxing…reading…warm…

Someone is there…
I don't know who and I don't know where…

It's comfortable…
Safe…
Right…

Faces flash through my mind…
Some are false,
Others are true…

But they are there…
Haunting…
Teasing…
Tempting…

As I float back to reality,
I can't help but smile…

My eyes drift back over the snowfall,
And I realize how my mind wanders…
It can be a comfort…as well as a curse…

But in this latest reverie…

I realize I have suddenly become…

Just a little bit warmer…

It Really Doesn't Matter

Okay, folks...I have been filtering through my old blogs on another site and have decided to post a few here. The following blog was written, this past summer. I just recently received some tough news about a relative of mine and since then, I've been trying to live my life just as I have written about it...I hope you enjoy reading it, and hopefully it will give you a bit of insight about what kind of gal I truly am.

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This week, in between rehearsals when I could actually think, I have sat and pondered life in general...the shortness and brevity of it all...the meaning of life. You know...the usual questions we ask ourselves as we get older.

My thoughts are spinning because I recently found out that a very close relative of mine tested positive for breast cancer. It has hit me like a ton of bricks. My thoughts and feelings on it are all kind of surreal...like if I don't think about it...maybe it isn't true. Almost like....denial, I suppose. Mind you, nowdays a diagnosis is not a death sentence. I realize and understand that. We're all hoping that it has been caught in time. Which, I'm a positive thinker, and I think it has.

I guess it's just all very....scary. It makes you sit back and realize what matters in life and what doesn't.

Money, although necessary, doesn't ultimately matter....You can't take it with you...
Opinions, do not matter...
The weather...does not matter...
The LITTLE, INSIGNIFICANT things...do not matter

We spend so much of our time WORRYING over the itty bitty problems in life, that we totally overlook the big picture. The, "Can't see the forest for the trees" cliche really comes into play here. I mean, really, if someone doesn't squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom...does that really matter? If you're at a restaurant and they leave the onions on your burger....PICK THEM OFF! Don't get pissed and let it ruin your night. They're ONIONS!

If someone says something to you that kind of hurts your feelings, think about it before confronting them...Did they mean it to hurt? Or were they having a bad day? If it bothers you enough, TALK to them about it...AND do just that...TALK...don't yell...Life is too damn short to be yelling...especially at people you care about. The long and short is....IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER.

We are here to live, love, and enjoy. We never know from day to day what will happen. It's best that we take each day and enjoy it to its fullest and never take it for granted.

Life is about the choices we make....don't blame bad luck, God, other people...Ultimately we choose our own paths. It's up to us to choose what makes us happy and fulfilled...Our time on this Earth is very small...Gotta fill that space with as much as we can...

Never take those around you for granted because one day they will be gone...

One day...
YOU will be gone...what legacy do you choose to leave behind when you go?

But of course...that's just my opinion...

Tonight Shall Be Random...(actually, it's about my lovable animals)

I decided last night, during that gentle lull between asleep and waking, that I needed to blog again. I recently wrote about the New Year and the Old Year...Sort of a mix of the two...but as I lay in bed, completely surrounded by those that love me most: My dog, Carson and my two cats, Harley and Ming, I realized I should blog about them.

Notice: I didn't get to it when I woke up this morning. I was a busy lady today, but I still had it on my mind this evening, and wanted to make sure I commented on it before I forgot.

Lately, my animals...or let's be honest here...my CHILDREN...have been very lovey lately. The cats especially. Carson, has always slept with me and is quite content to be underfoot and underarm regardless of where he is...so he's always been lovable and needy. The cats, however, have been a different story.

My tabby, Harley, has always been a bit...snooty...An ex of mine called him bi-polar...And I guess, in a way, he is. He used to turn on you in a flash...Liked to keep you guessing...He wants to be petted when he wants to be petted and that's all there is. God HELP you if you bring a small child into the mix...cause he dislikes them and stays away...except for the occasional swipe from underneath a table as they walk past.


Lately, however, he has been pretty much all over me...And when it comes to the sleeping arrangements, he has taken to sleeping...on my head. It really is sweet. Especially when he kneads my hair for a time before laying down, then he rests his wee head on my own. Very cute...but very hot. Temperature wise, that is...DON'T BE DIRTY! This in itself would be adorable, no doubt, BUT...he has taken over my pillow and I find myself sleeping almost under the pillow itself because there is a large TABBY on my head.

Ming, the Siamese/Tonkinese, has taken to sleeping on, what I like to call the 'passenger' pillow. I won't explain to you what that means...figure it out yourself. Needless-to-say...it has been EMPTY for quite a while...ANYWHO...He's very much a gentleman...and minds his manners. I can hear him purring at night by my head sometimes. He's so loud! It's a comfort to me, quite frankly...Means he's happy and content...And it makes his momma happy too!

It's a comfort...a security...Screw that. Interpretation: It's really quite sad...but in a funny way, I suppose.

So, sorry everyone, but my bed is full.* Thank you for the invites, but I already have bed buddies.

Good eve and anon!

*Please note: The Management of this blog has no idea what the author is talking about. We have posted this note to make sure everyone is aware that she truly wouldn't mind making room for someone should the occasion or invite ever occur. Applications and headshots are being accepted on a regular basis. Thank you... --The Management

And so 2009 begins...

In amongst all the commotion of the New Year festivities last evening, I took time in my head to think back and pontificate about 2008. Wow...was 2008 a crazy year for me! Honestly, for the most part, it was an emotional roller coaster, that has only recently pulled into the station. ;-) My life was a whirlwind last year. It started off very scary. I had just gone through a break-up, which had left me a little dazed and confused, to say the least. I was in a funk and a rut...Didn't like to get out of the house. After being a hermit for way too long, I decided I needed to get out of that state of mind and if nothing else...shower...heh heh. I needed an outlet for my frustrations as well as my underlying sadness. So, I finally decided to try and get back into the theatre. I managed to successfully make it into a show at A.C.T. The Philadelphia Story. Happily, I discovered that a big part of my funkiness, all boiled down to getting back onstage and getting involved.

After it's run, I was also invited to audition at SART, which was pretty cool. Someone had noticed me...and theatre folks like to get noticed! ;-)

I'm a theatre person...I like to perform...I like darn near any aspect of the theatre and have to be involved in any way shape or form...It's my nature, my one true love, and my soul. It's my escape too...

Onstage, you can be anybody you want to be...or anybody you're chosen to be...During rehearsals and then performance nights, you can escape your life for a while and not worry about what's going on anywhere else in your life.

At least it's how I feel...I mean, if I let most of my life problems get in the way of my shows, I wouldn't be worth a damn onstage. Real life gets in the way too much...in more ways than one...

Besides feeding my soul, being the new kid on the block in this town and with the theatre, presented me with the opportunity to meet new people. By getting involved, I was able to meet all kinds of wonderful, funny, and talented people. I was finally able to expand my acquaintances to more people than just my co-workers and friends from back home in East TN.

Now, don't get me wrong, I adore my friends from back home. I love hanging out with them and doing everything with them. But let's face it, it's kinda hard to drop what you're doing and just go out for a drink or something to eat if you live about 60 or 70 miles away from each other! I mean, it isn't far, but it's still too far...does that make sense?

In any case, I started meeting people and made new friends...which is another thing I needed desperately at this point in my life. I'm a people person...and crave the company of others. Not all the time, mind you, but I get easily bored if I don't have something specific to occupy my time.

So, after The Philadelphia Story, I was asked to be in another show, Plays from The Lil' Nashville. A HOOT of a show, written by Waylon Wood and directed by Betsy Puckett. I had already had the pleasure of meeting Waylon in Philly Story, so it was a great experience to be in something he had written as well.

I suppose after Lil' Nashville, my whole world started kicking off after that. I was a busy gal! Much to my surprise and happiness, I was invited by the gals of LYLAS (Love Ya Like A Sis), to become a member of their sketch comedy troupe. Of course, I gave an almost immediate 'yes'. It was a fast and furious next couple of weeks after that...cause a show was coming up SOON! And we had to be ready!

As expected,LYLAS's show: Local Comedy Thousands Of Miles Funnier was a SUCCESS! People laughed, they cried...they wet their pants...one person even had a seizure...And that's not a joke...it happened FOR REAL! I wouldn't joke if it wasn't for the fact that he is now okay and doing fine.

After that, I was again asked to be in a show for Dark Horse Theatre, downtown at the BeBe. The Twilight Zone. This baby was the brainchild of Emily McClain, and quite an experience to be involved with. This was another show that was needing to be put together QUICKLY! October was jammed packed FULL of rehearsals AND I was also working backstage at A.C.T.'s Misery. You talk about a tired puppy! I was never so glad to see October be OVER and I would have free time! No more shows for a while!

In amongst all the theatre, I did meet some random people that weren't involved in some way with the stage. I even managed to meet people who touched my life in ways I had never thought possible...and in good ways...ways that have left their mark on me...and have made me a happier, brighter, and more positive person than I ever was.

So, as I now look back on 2008, I can look back on it with happiness and joy. It may have been a tough year...in many many ways...Love lost, financial worries, worries about friends in need, family health diagnosis...but now I can see that everything that happens, happens for a reason and it leads us to where we are today in life.

Now, I send a salute to all of my friends, former lovers, confidantes, acquaintances, cast mates, co-workers....anyone who I may have crossed paths with in the past year...You made 2008 another wonderful chapter in my life...Now, it is time to turn the page, and see what happens in the rest of the story... Happy New Year! And may 2009 bring another big adventure for us all!